“You’ve got to have friends.”

*Fans self* Holy mother of awesome! Seriously, wasn’t that one of the best TVD episodes you have ever seen? Yes. I know it was. I might have to go out on a limb and say, that not only was it my favorite, but it was THE best episode of the entire series. You heard correctly. Last night, we were treated to a delicious buffet of mystery, suspense, romance, and heartbreak. To top off the night, a dash of comedy was added for good measure. It really was a fantastic episode. Damon’s multitude of snarky one-liners were priceless. The Caroline cliffhanger was resolved, though I must say, a little underwhelming. Klaus was back with all his evil delight and dropping plot bunnies like no tomorrow. New characters were being developed left and right. Then, there was Elena and Stefan. Their love had been growing and fading over the past two seasons like a beautiful flower, and now Stefan has ripped it from its roots, and chopped it up into little, tiny pieces. Idiot. I’m sure we can all agree, that the night was a dazzling success. Now, I’m sure you’re all bouncing in your seats, ready to get to the juicy recap and play-by-play. So I won’t make you wait any longer. Grab your Damon pillow and hold on tight. This is a SPOILER ALERT!

Interior: Salvatore Mansion. Damon, Damon, Damon. You go through alcohol like a fangirl views Robert Pattinson pictures; often and you’re both are a little woozy afterward. Why Katherine, we haven’t seen you in . . . two episodes. Why are you calling Damon? The Lying Vampire Bitch makes a short and brief appearance, not so subtly informing Damon of Ripper Stefan’s new whereabouts: Chicago. How convenient. It seems Klaus is more than eager to set Stefan loose on his old ripping ground, though Stefan’s memories of that time are few and far in-between. “Lotta blood. Lotta partying.” Ooh! Flashback!

Chicago, 1920’s: When the car is rocking, it means Stefan is chewing on his latest kill. Poor girl. I hope he at least had the decency to go to second base before he decided it was time to drain her. It would have been the gentlemanly thing to do. Jeez. You’re such a messy eater, Stefan. Fix yourself up a little bit, there’s people watching. If I do say, Stefan does look good with his bouffant swept back. Not to mention the suit. Looking good. Hey! Watch it, lady. That was Stefan’s drink. The mysterious woman outs our lone vampire (and herself) as she proceeds to lick the remains of Stefan’s date off his surprised lips. Yep. He’s a goner.

In the present day, Stefan isn’t really digging the whole hybrid army plan anymore and tries to convince Klaus to move on. Yeah, like that was going to happen. It’s business as usual for the evil duo, as Klaus seeks out his favorite witch, Gloria; also known as the 1920’s nightclub singer. He knows that she is the one person who can help him figure out what went wrong during his latest hybrid scheme. Gloria tells the invincible hybrid that the only way to know what went wrong with the spell that created his beautiful hybrid self is to contact the witch who created it. Only problem? She’s dead. So, Gloria is going to need a little help. She needs Rebecca. Who? Meanwhile, Stefan takes a look around. What the hell is this? I’ve heard it said a photograph is worth a thousand words, and these words are saying that Klaus and Stefan knew each other not so long ago. BAM! Didn’t see that one coming, did you?

Rise and shine, sleepy head! Elena is woken by a beautiful sight . . . Damon. Lucky girl. Our sweet, smartass vampire is back and ready to bring Stefan home. That is, if he can get Elena to get a move on. Come on, girl. We don’t have all day. On their road trip, Damon is anxious to see what Elena really thinks of her lovey dovey vampire after she reads a few Ripper excerpts from Stefan’s journal. Or as Damon put it, he wants to prepare Elena for what she will find when they see Stefan. Elena refuses, but curiosity lightens her features. Curiosity killed the cat, Elena. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. When they reach Chicago, Damon takes the human to Stefan’s old apartment, which has been unchanged by time. A secret room houses not only a few dozen bottles of prohibition alcohol, but most importantly, the names of all the people Stefan had killed throughout his many years. Creepy, but believable. Is it just me, or is Damon trying to convince Elena that Stefan is a bad, bad boy? Like the stupid vampire he can sometimes be, Damon leaves Elena alone in the apartment and decides to check out some of Stefan’s old haunts. Idiot. How many times have I said, ‘Never leave the human alone?’ You know this can not be good.

When Stefan wants answers, Klaus uses the excuse of Stefan’s frequent blackouts at the time to placate his presence in Stefan’s life. But, Stefan needs more. Klaus tells the eager vamp that he really didn’t like him in the beginning. In fact, Klaus hated him.

Chicago, 1920’s: A rowdy Stefan is interrupted by his mystery vampire. She refuses to tell him her name, but he won’t give up. I guess that worked out for him. Stefan and his mystery girl take delight in dining together. On tonight’s menu? A flapper. Kiss. Suck. Bite. Damn. This scene would be so much better if it was on HBO. The two partake in a short make out session, as Stefan admires his partners necklace. Say, that looks familiar. Isn’t that . . . Elena’s? Uh. Oh. She tells him that a witch gave her the magical necklace. Before the pair can get any further, our favorite hybrid breaks up the scene. “We’re leaving, Rebecca.” Rebecca? Hey, wait a minute. The possessive (That really doesn’t surprise me) brother (That surprises me) is really not a fan of his siblings choice in a feeding partner.

Stefan doesn’t believe he knew another Original vampire, but the casket with Rebecca in it and a dagger (Presumably doused in white ash) speak differently. Klaus removes the dagger from his decayed sister and waits for her to wake. While they’re waiting for Sleeping Beauty to get her lazy vampire butt up, Stefan wants to know what Klaus’ game is. And just like the evil, sadistic bastard he is, Klaus changes the subject. The hybrid speaks about the tricks Stefan taught him all those many years ago . . .

Chicago, 1920’s: Klaus, Stefan, and Rebecca are having a good ol’ time  – Big brother Klaus, sizing up his sisters potential suitor – when a man demands to know where his wife is. The snack that Stefan and Rebecca had been drinking from answers his call. Stefan compels the outraged man to sit, as Stefan pulls out a knife and fills a cup with the woman’s blood. He compels the man to drink. Ick. And requests the name of his thirsty company. Still. Ick. Klaus looks on and admires Stefan’s opulent, demented ways.

“I was your number one fan.” Okay. Seriously? Are you telling me that you (Klaus) learned all your twisted, tormented routines from our sweet Stefan? Yes. Well . . . um, that’s not wrong at all. Please, proceed with your story. Klaus tells Stefan that the two were friends, and Stefan trusted him with his most delicious secrets. To prove that, they’re were going to have to go to Stefan’s old apartment. Shite.

Dammit, Elena! I told you not to read Stefan’s journal. Did you listen? No. Elena reads entry after entry, but not about Stefan and his former Ripper self, but how Lexi (Remember her?) helped Stefan rise from the dark side and live in the light. Hope. There’s always hope. SLAM! Elena? I would . . . hide. Yeah. The combination of a human fragrance and a broken door led Klaus to the conclusion that someone had been in the apartment. Question. Yes? Couldn’t Stefan have known it was Elena? Vampire smell and all? He would have, but that’s something you need to take up with the TVD writers, not me. M’Kay. Anyway, Klaus wants to gain Stefan’s trust by showing him that he knew the little name ritual (Seeing the name and reliving the kill) Stefan had written on the wall of the secret room. Question. Yes? Isn’t Elena in that room? Yes, she is. Okay, just wondering. Klaus slowly opens the door . . . and steps aside. Whew! Stefan walks over and peers into the room; seeing the names written on the wall, but also his human and love, Elena. Stefan. Don’t rat her out. Don’t rat her out. Longing looks. A small frown. “Look what I found.” Oh, no he didn’t! He didn’t. Stefan saves his loves life and closes the door. Darn. I wanted him to kiss her. I know. He didn’t though. He should have. You’re correct. Stupid vampire. Agreed.

Back at the nightclub (Modern day), Gloria tells Damon that she has seen Stefan and that the evil duo will be back there later that night. Score. A while later, he finds a scared Elena waiting for him after her impromptu run-in with Stefan. Elena wonders why Damon is unconcerned. Pay close attention to the way Damon acts in this scene. “I had an hour to realize what a bad idea it was to leave you here alone, process it, and move on. Are you okay?” Did you see it? That look of pure guilt and panic? Yeah, it was perfect. Damon loves Elena. Damon loves Elena. After he calms down, Damon orders Elena to change. They have somewhere to be. When they find Stefan, Elena will have only a few minutes to convince him to come home, so Klaus won’t have time to kill Damon. What? I don’t think so. 

Stefan wonders about Klaus’ sanity (Or is that just me?) when he ponders why Klaus wanted him as his wingman. Was it just for the torture and giggles? No, Klaus tells him it was something more. Stefan wanted to be Klaus’ wingman. At this point, I’m not surprised.

Chicago, 1920’s: Two drunk vampires sit at bar. The one with the funny hair tells the other that his family was jealous of him, because he is a King. A King of vampires. Give me a break. The other semi-cute vampire tells the one with the funny hair that his sister (Rebecca) is in love with him. The one with the funny hair is certainly not denying mutual feelings for the woman. No. He loves Elena! He just doesn’t know it yet. “You’re a good friend, Nick.” Nick? Why are you calling Klaus, Nick? This is so messed up. Klaus (Nick) seems somewhat content watching his sister and his BFF, Stefan, dance the night away, until he hears the all too familiar sounds of a speak easy raid. Wooden bullets begin to fly. Someone knows about the special clientele, obviously. “That means he’s here.” Who? Who’s here? Klaus reaches for his sister and forces her to leave without Stefan. Her necklace (That necklace) falls, but before Stefan can pick it up, Klaus has a little message for his friend. The not-yet hybrid compels his bestie to forget; forget him, forget his Rebecca. He must not remember until Klaus tells him to remember. That’s not very nice. Their brotherly love is short-lived, as Stefan walks around the chaos in a daze.

Modern day, the two former friends clink glasses, while Damon appears and beckons Stefan to accompany him outside. Stefan confronts his brother once again about leaving him alone and keeping Elena safe. She needs to give up and forget about him. Well, you can tell her that yourself. Stefan looks upon his human love with indifference. Ass. He wants to know what she wants. Why is she there? She looks into his eyes and begs him to come home. Elena hugs him tightly and raises her hand. What the? A vervain dart? Unconventional, but I think it will do the job. Too bad Stefan sees right through the act and forces Elena to drop the poison. You’re gripping her a little too hard, don’t you think? Elena tries to convince him to come home. He was lost once before, but Lexi saved him. They can do it again. Together. Stefan is adamant. He’s killed hundreds of people. He can’t do it again. It will never be the same. “How much clearer can I make it? I don’t want to come home . . . I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be with you. I just want you to go.” Hold the fudging phone. What did you just say? No. This is not happening again. First, Edward. Now, Stefan. I don’t think I can take it anymore. I like to say we all know what he’s doing; acting like he doesn’t love Elena anymore, to protect her. However, this was just a little too real. A little too heartbreaking. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry, but I can’t help myself. I know this will get us closer to Delena, but didn’t you think that this was exceptionally harsh? Did he just say those things to protect Elena from himself? Or was it true? You tell me. I’ll be over in the corner silently weeping to myself and plotting all the ways to get back at Stefan; like chopping off his hair.

Inside, Damon tries to keep Klaus occupied. He goes through the usual motions, ‘Give my brother back and you’ll never have to see me again,’ and the quite frequently used ‘Take me instead.’ None of it works, of course. Klaus just grips him by his throat (Please don’t hurt the pretty!) and begins to stab Damon with a small wooden toothpick. Ouch? It seems that way. Klaus moves on to bigger pieces of wooden furniture to stab our precious vampire, but Gloria stops him. “Not in my bar. You take it outside.” Ha! Serves you right.

Meanwhile, in Mystic Falls . . . Caroline! Good you’re okay. Though, you’re still in kind of a jam, aren’t you? After last week, we know why. Your dad is cra-zay. The vampire is unable to free herself from the chains that keep her locked in the creepy dungeon, as her human father proceeds to filter vervain into the air. He sweetly demands to know how Caroline is able to walk in the sun. Don’t tell him! Darn it, she told him. Daddy dearest takes her magic ring and throws it on the ground. Told you so. He is Hell bent on curing his daughter of her vampirism. Someone should have told him it’s not something you can unlearn, so his evil plan is pointless. Dumbass. Bill wants his vamp daughter to associate pain with the smell of blood. He opens the vents and lets the searing sunshine in. Ahhhh! Ouch. Dude! That was not nice. That’s your daughter! Ahhhh! Bastard. He goes on to tell his daughter how upset he was when Mrs. Lockwood told him about her new vampireness. He wants to fix her, but Caroline can not be fixed. He can not fix her, she repeats. Why are you doing this? “So I don’t have to kill you!” Yeah, we don’t want that either. Please don’t do it. Neither does Sheriff Forbes. Hooray! The sheriff points the gun at her ex-husband and calls in Tyler to rescue his beloved. The wolf unclasped her chains and carries his vampire love to freedom. Yay! Sheriff Forbes doesn’t kill Bill. Damn. Can’t you do anything right?

At home, Sheriff Forbes tries to console her daughter. She gives the argument that her father didn’t know any better, and it was because of Caroline that Sheriff Forbes learned to see things in a different way. I don’t care. He’s still an ass. In comes Tyler. “Would now be a bad time to give you crap about sneaking out on me.” Yes. In another heartbreaking scene, Tyler holds his girl tight while she cries over her ignorant father. So sad.

In Chicago, a somber looking Klaus finds his ancient sister fed and ready to talk. In an instant, Rebecca stabs the Original, in hopes of causing him some pain. You see, Klaus took Stefan away from her. He made her choose between the two of them and Stefan won. And Rebecca lost, as Klaus shoved the dagger into his siblings heart. Revenge is needed. Though, that plan didn’t last long. Klaus welcomes Stefan to their gathering and compels him to remember everything he had forgotten about their time together. “Rebecca?” Oh, no. Before we can get too enraged about possible storylines, Klaus needs to know what Rebecca has that will summon the original witch. Yeah, you’re not going to find it. Unless . . . No. I’m not going to think about that right now. Yes. The missing piece of the puzzle is Elena’s necklace. It seems Stefan can’t keep her safe after all. Idiot.

Interior: Salvatore Mansion. Again with the drinking, Damon? Shame. You know, Katherine isn’t going to tell you anything. Haven’t you learned that by now? Katerina places the worn pay phone back on it’s holder and steps out into the Chicago sunlight. Okay. What’s your game, vamp?

Chicago, 1920’s: Flapper Katherine is almost caught by her former fling Stefan when she attempts to pick up Rebecca’s lost necklace. Stefan gets there first and is questioned by a police officer. The man holds up a sketch and asks if he’s seen Klaus or Rebecca. He hasn’t. The man walks away. Though, I have no doubt we will be seeing him soon. *Evil laugh* What?

The Vampire Diaries

Best lines of the night:

1. “It came to me in a dream. I was naked. You would have loved it.”

2. “I’m shocked! Stefan’s not a virgin?”

3. “Stefan was a cocky, ripper douche. But I could avoid him and still indulge in a few Daisy Buchanan’s of my own.”

4. “You’re right. He does have funny hair.”

5. “You may be cute, but you’re still a vampire.”

6. “If we were such great friends, why do I only know you as the hybrid dick who sacrificed my girlfriend on an altar of fire? Huh?”

7. “Are you good? Bad? Pick one!”

8. “Oh, honey. I’ve been called worse.”

9. “You want a partner-in-crime? Forget Stefan. I’m so much more fun.”

What did you think of the episode? What does this mean for Ripper Stefan now that he has his former love and best friend back? Who are Klaus and Rebecca running from? Will Elena finally give up on Stefan? Will she run into Damon’s arms? Did you like the Caroline resolution? What happened to Bill? How did Damon escape Klaus? Tell me in the comments!

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