Resistance Is Futile

I’m baaaacckk. Did you miss me? Yeah, I know you did. You love me. Don’t deny it. Welcome to the first installment of this year’s super-awesome Vampire Diaries reviews/recaps, brought to you by yours truly. I can’t believe this will be my third year of TVD recap composition. It seems like just yesterday we were arguing over whether or not Elena would ever admit she has feelings for Damon. Or if we would ever see Klaus face-to-face. Oh, wait. That actually was yesterday. Nevermind.

Now, here we are, the morning after the season premiere. How are you feeling? I’m sure you’re probably still recovering. It’s expected. Have you made your conclusions? Dissected each scene, each character’s storyline. You know I have. I need to tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to hear, “Previously on The Vampire Diaries.” Admittedly, It wasn’t the wow-factor episode I was looking for, but it got the job done. Last night – well worth the wait – finally uncovered the ramifications of the previous seasons shocking finale. We sat patiently with bated breath, not knowing if Elena would actually become the thing she dreaded most. Lie. That was a lie. We totally knew what was going to happen. It was a night full of anger and guilt, reunions and reactions. It was the beginning; the first step to an untraveled road. And it was awesome.

WARNING! This is a Spoiler Alert!

Stay away from the light, Elena! Come back to us. Come back!

Oh, good. You’re okay. And a VAMPIRE. *Claps hands excitedly* This is going to be so much fun. We’ll have foot races and climb trees. We’ll go shopping; say sickly sweet things to our vampire mates. Everything is going to be fantastic! Uh . . . Well, it looks like that isn’t sitting too well with you. Or with Damon, for that matter. I see someone took his bitchy pills this morning. Stefan, I see you’re back to being your usual self-deprecating, broody self. I did not miss it. Not at all. Hey, why don’t you both fill Elena in on the details why I go get a cup of tea. It’s going to be a long night. Of course, I can see that’s not going to happen, because you two are being completely ridiculous. Bonnie. You’re going to go to Bonnie for help? Seriously? What is she going to do? Say some magic mumbo-jumbo and miraculously Elena is back to normal? That is not going to happen. I’m sorry, but it’s not. I’m going to have to go with Damon on this one. Feed or die. Complete the transition and go on with your life. Stop being such a brat. Be grateful. I know this isn’t what you wanted, but come on! You’re vampire. Have some fun with it. You always have to make everything so difficult, Elena. Fine! Rest a bit. Think about it for a while. I’m going to see what Stefan and Damon are up to.

As you would have guessed, Damon is seriously miffed by this whole Vampire Elena debacle, taking out his frustrations on his brother – voicing his displeasure about Stefan’s decision to save Matt first. Meanwhile, Elena is finding newborn life to be a tad overwhelming. Question, Elena. How can you stand to be near your brother/cousin at this time without wanting to chow down on his delicious human blood? Nevermind, just give Jeremy a hug. You both need it. Elena reassures him everything is going to be okay, but it’s not. Is it? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Super Witch (Bonnie) looks upon the decayed body of Klaus, unsure of her next move, when an old friend stops by.

Hello, Sweetheart.
Hello, Creeper.

Tyler – still being the meat suit for Klaus – uses his disturbing Klaus charm, ordering Bonnie to put him back into his old body; a body which seems to have survived pretty well for mass disfigurement (All Evil Alaric’s fault, by the way). I can’t really blame him, though. It is a very nice body. Bonnie tries to stall for time, telling the misplaced hybrid that if she can turn Elena human again, he’ll have his endless supply of hybrid making blood back. It’s an okay argument, considering. Tyler/Klaus agrees.

Across town, at Mystic General, Dr. Meredith Fell receives some unexpected news. Pastor Eli has informed the human of Evil Alaric’s final deed – telling the Council anything and everything about Mystic’s supernatural population. Gulp. Not good. It’s time to take back the town, and the Pastor is the only man for the job. The first item on the agenda? Removing the city’s powerheads, Mayor Lockwood and Sheriff Forbes. Next? Ridding Mystic of its vampire residents. Caroline makes a brief stop to check on Matt, before deciding to flee the incoming destruction. Unfortunately, she doesn’t make it in time. Pastor Eli’s creepy cronies are already waiting for her. Damn.

Stefan, always blaming himself for the things out of his control. Elena asked him to save Matt first. Being the good person that he is, he followed her orders. Whipped. What? Nothing. Elena tells him as much, before her newborn moodiness gets out of control. Holding his love close, Stefan reassures Elena that everything will work out. He’s there for her, no matter what.

Still feeling the effects of her transition, Elena slowly makes her way upstairs, only to find Damon waiting for her. “I thought you left.” Oh, he did. What you’re seeing is a memory, a memory long since forgotten. A memory that was taken from you. It was season 2, Elena. Damon had come into your room to return your stolen necklace, ultimately to make a confession. “I love you, Elena. And it’s because I love you, that I can’t be selfish with you. I don’t deserve you. But my brother does.” The previously forgotten night shocks poor Elena. Has she made the right decision in leaving Damon’s love behind? Or is the pulled memory just what it is? A memory. Delena!! Shush, you.

Rebecca, Rebecca, Rebecca. All this time, and I still refuse to spell your name right. It doesn’t matter, anyway. What matters is, Klaus is gone. You’re alone. And that stings, doesn’t it? That’s why you’re taking out your anger on all his pretty drawings.

“You should know better than to sneak up on a lady.”
“Good advice, have you seen one?”

Oh, Snarky Damon. I’ve missed you. I see you’re still angry. That’s not surprising. Neither is the fact that you’re trying to kill Rebecca with that rejuvenated white oak stake Mama Mikaelson made and gave Evil Alaric to kill her children. You’ve never liked Rebecca. That fact that she tried to kill your Elena is just another excuse to do the deed. Unfortunately, Eli’s creepy cronies are here to take you away. Run, Damon. Run!

Man, they work fast. After making quick work of subduing Rebecca, they’re already ready to kidnap Stefan. Eli should give these guys a raise.

Twiddling his thumbs, without much to do while Bonnie tries to save Elena, Tyler/Klaus receives a call from Mayor Lockwood informing them (him?) that Caroline has been taken by Pastor Eli’s radicals. Ooh! Awesome car crash sequence. Nicely done. It’s Tyler/Klaus to the rescue! It doesn’t take him (them?) long to grab Caroline from the scene, giving a quick wink and nod to Rebecca, whom he leaves there. What a nice brother. The way he’s shoving his tongue down Caroline’s throat confirms he is indeed a very bad boy. Although Vampire Barbie was the one who made the first move, Tyler/Klaus is in no mood to stop her. Yes, it may be a bit pervy that Klaus is taking advantage of the situation. However, weren’t we all hoping for a Klaorine hookup anyway? Of course, we were hoping Klaus to be back in his original body by then. Luckily, for you weirdos, Klaus gives the game away. Caroline is appalled. She wants Tyler back immediately. Gladly, he replies. Then they can resume that hot hybrid/vampire sex.

“Wherever you go, Salvatore brothers seem to follow.” Very true, Pastor Eli. Though is that any reason to keep Elena hidden in this safe house? No, I don’t think it is. You have no idea what you’re talking about. And you have no idea the effects Elena’s transition is having. The light, the noise, and clamor around her become too much. Elena tries to escape the small shack, but to no avail. THWACK. It’s lights out for Elena.

Back at the Gilbert Home, Damon (with the help of Sheriff Forbes and Dr. Fell) try to uncover the whereabouts of Elena and Stefan. Knock. Knock. Matt is abruptly taken off his feet and slammed into a nearby wall by a grudge holding Damon. Dude! You need to let it go. What’s done is done. You can’t change the past. Reluctantly, Damon lets the human go. After some discussion, Matt is the one to suggest a possible location. Damon drags an unwillingly Matt with him on his quest.

In the meantime, Bonnie is having a hard time communicating with her witch friends on the other side. Nothing seems to be working. Bonnie assures Jeremy they can save Elena, but Jeremy is reluctant to let Bonnie do any more crazy witch magic. It’s dangerous to her health. Boring Bonnie insists she can bring Elena back, but there’s only one way. She’s going to pass through the veil and take Elena’s human soul back with her. Easy enough. Jeremy disagrees. With only some witchy words and a few weird facial expressions, Bonnie successfully manages to find Elena. Only someone is there to stop her from completing her mission. Grandma Bennett warns young Bonnie to stay away, nothing good will come from using this dark magic. The spirits will make her suffer. Bonnie recants, dissatisfied with the outcome.

Wakey, wakey Baby Vamp. Elena finds herself along with Stefan and Rebecca jailed in Pastor Eli’s shed, vervain air conditioning included. Rebecca is definitely not happy to see the not-fed still in transition newborn. “Didn’t I kill you?” Yeah, kind of. Don’t take it personally, Rebecca. This type of thing happens all the time. Stefan unhappy with Elena’s current state, tries to lure in one of Eli’s guards for Elena to feed on, but the crony just shoots poor Stefan in the leg. Not very nice, if you ask me.

Stefan apologizes for being the one to urge Elena to keep up hope, to not feed. It’s his fault she’s like this. Elena tries to remove his guilt (What’s new?), telling him the reason she was on the bridge in the first place. She was coming back to him. She chose him. She loves him. No regrets. Everybody now, awwww.

Wait! What’s that? Hearing something amiss, a now more understanding Rebecca (all that sweetness must have gotten to her) and Stefan try again to lure a guard to be Elena’s dinner. A pout and a few beats to the head later, blood spills from the fallen human. Elena stretches her body, reaching for the pool of blood as it slowly slips down on to the floor. Her attempts seem futile, until . . . Ah, there it is. She swipes her fingers through the fresh blood, bringing them to her lips. Hesitantly, she brings them closer, swiping her tongue over her covered digits. That’s so much better.

A commotion begins outside. Damon and Matt drive up to the farm-house, with no plans to speak of. That’s what you think. Surprising the heck out of Matt and a few of us, Damon takes a bite out of the human. Bait, he calls it. Pastor Eli tries to make a deal with the ostentatious vampire, but without agreement. Eli’s cronies are too skilled for that. They take Damon down easily (I know. Just go with it). Moments later, Damon has killed the two guards and is now on the war path. He goes after Matt. Someone has to pay for what has happened to Elena. OOMPH! Damon is tackled to the ground before he can do anymore damage. VAMPIRE ELENA!!!!!! That was so cool. Do it again.

Sometime later, Tyler/Klaus request that Bonnie switch him back immediately. Tired and worn from her previous incantation, Bonnie protests, but reluctantly agrees when Klaus attempts to rip Tyler’s heart out from his body. The witch places her hands upon Tyler’s head, reciting the familiar words. Success. Tyler is free. Gasp! Grandma Bennett you scared me! The deceased witch grabs her granddaughter’s hands, condemning her choices. She warned her to not use black magic anymore, but she did it anyway. Now someone must pay. Bonnie screams as Grandma Bennett is taken from her, the repercussions of Bonnie’s decision marking her body. It’s over. Bonnie falls to her knees in tears.

Vampire Elena – as she will be called until further notice – is digging her nails into Damon for trying to kill Matt. It was her choice. Blah, blah, blah. We’re all sick of the conversation. Elena asks what Damon would have done if he were the one to have been there that night. Without hesitation, Damon voices his decision. He would have saved her first. So she could live. Grow old. Love. Now she’ll never grow up. This silences her. She stops for a moment before letting her heart speak. She remembers. She remembers everything Damon took away from her. That first ‘I Love You’ to the first time they met.

My JoMo, you’re back! A bit anticlimactic, I admit. But it’s nice to see your pretty face again. I thought it would take a lot more for you to make your grand reappearance. Not that I’m complaining. That fifty minute wait was long enough. Whoa there, Rebecca. Man, why is everyone so angry in this episode? Rebecca is extremely disappointed in Klaus, allowing her to think he was dead. Klaus wills her to move on, so they can make more wolves and such, but Rebecca doesn’t take the news too well. She IS his family, more than the rest of their clan. Doesn’t he care about her at all? Heartbroken and ticked beyond all belief, Rebecca takes the remaining bags of Elena’s human blood and drains them. Angry Klaus grips her by her throat. Family? They are no longer family. He never wishes to see her again. “You are nothing.” Ouch. That was a bit harsh, don’t you think, Klaus?

♫ Stefan and Elena sitting on a roof ♫ Sheesh, Stefan! You’re not making this easy, are you? Being a vampire is the worst thing you’ll ever live through? Such a Debbie Downer. What about all the positives? No sickness. No worry (Other than vengeful vamps, of course). Travel. Awesomeness. Thank you, Elena. Yes! You two will be together. Forever. That seems like a high point. Don’t you think? Yeah, but . . . Oh, why don’t you just kiss the girl already?! There. That’s better.

Delena forever!
Hey. Stop that.

Final Scene: Pastor Eli gathers his followers to reassure them that this defeat will not hinder their progress. He has been chosen to lead them. They will be safe. They will be reunited with their savior. What the hell? Unbeknownst to them, Eli has removed the gas line from the stove. He takes out his lighter and flips the switch. KABOOM!

The Vampire Diaries

What did you think of the episode? Was it everything you’d hoped for? What was your favorite scene? Favorite line? What did you think of Vampire Elena? Knowing the memories she lost, will she ever find her feeling for Damon again? Are Stefan and Elena officially a couple once more? What did you think of the Bonnie storyline? Was it unnecessary? What did you think of Klaus and his reappearance? What will Matt do? Any theories or hopes for this season? Tell me in the comments!

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