I’m Not the Same Person I Used to Be

I was looking through my email the other day when I happened to stumble upon a bizarrely titled one from 2005. It was a friendship quiz my friend from High School had sent me. Looking at my answers to these fifty-two stereotypical, teenage questions had left me seriously confused. This girl liked cookie-dough ice cream and Mandy Moore movies. She was obsessed with Wicked and loved the color pink. Sure, we liked some of the same things, but I didn’t understand her. I didn’t recognize her. It was if we shared the same outline, but all the edges were blurry. Eventually, I started to realize what was wrong. This young woman was afraid. She was afraid of what other people thought of her. She was afraid to accept herself and what she wanted. This girl wasn’t me.

It has taken me almost fifteen years for me to discover the person that I was meant to become. It has taken a decade and a half for me to realize that I actually like myself. I like the person that I am and if others don’t? Oh, well. It doesn’t matter, anyway.

The road to self-acceptance will always be a bumpy one, but I will continue to try. I will try to accept the things that I can not change. I will try to find the courage to change the things that I can. Freeing myself from pain and anxiety will always be a challenge I will have to face. I just have to remember that there’s really no point in worrying so much. Positivity will always win in the end.

“Change is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.” – Mandy Hale

 


THEN (August, 2005)

  1.  First name?   KIMBERLY
  2. Do you wish on stars?     YES, ALL THE TIME
  3. When did you last cry?    THURSDAY NIGHT
  4.  If you were another person, would you be friends with you?   UM…I THINK SO
  5. Do you have a journal?    NO
  6. Do you use sarcasm a lot?    YES
  7. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?    COOKIE DOUGH
  8. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?   MY VOICE
  9. What are you listening to right now?    “NO GOOD DEED” FROM THE “WICKED” SOUNDTRACK
  10. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?    PINK
  11. What is the weather like right now?    BRIGHT AND SUNNY
  12. Favorite food?    MEXICAN FOOD
  13. Last movie you watched?    “HOW TO DEAL”
  14. Summer or Winter?    WINTER. I LOVE THE SNOW ON THE GROUND. IT’S LIKE A WINTER WONDERLAND
  15. Hugs or kisses?    KISSES
  16. What books are you reading?    “WICKED,” BY GREGORY MCGUIRE
  17. What did you watch last night on TV?    REBA
  18. Favorite sound?    I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT MY FAVORITE SOUND IS
  19. Are you strong?    ABOUT SOME THINGS
  20. Do you have a special talent?    IF I HAVE ONE, I HAVEN’T FOUND IT YET

NOW (January, 2020)

  1.  First name?     KIMBERLY
  2. Do you wish on stars?     YES, ALL THE TIME
  3. When did you last cry?    I CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I CRIED
  4.  If you were another person, would you be friends with you?   YES, I’M AMAZING.
  5. Do you have a journal?    KIND OF. I WRITE ABOUT MYSELF AND THE THINGS I LIKE ON THE INTERNET AND LET STRANGERS READ IT
  6. Do you use sarcasm a lot?    NOT AS MUCH AS I USED TO
  7. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?    CHOCOLATE OR MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP
  8. What is your least favorite thing about yourself?    MY LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE
  9. What are you listening to right now?    “HEY, I’M JUST LIKE YOU” BY TEGAN AND SARA
  10. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?    BLUE
  11. What is the weather like right now?    DARK AND CLOUDY
  12. Favorite food?    CHICKEN FINGERS
  13. Last movie you watched?    “SPIDER MAN: FAR FROM HOME”
  14. Summer or Winter?    SUMMER. I LOVE THE SUNSHINE.
  15. Hugs or kisses?    HUGS
  16. What books are you reading?   I HAVE SO MANY BOOKS TO READ, BUT I CAN’T DECIDE WHICH ONE TO READ FIRST
  17. What did you watch last night on TV?    DOCTOR WHO
  18. Favorite sound?    LAUGHTER
  19. Are you strong?    I’M STRONGER THAN I REALIZE
  20. Do you have a special talent?    IF I HAVE ONE, I STILL HAVEN’T FOUND IT

See you tomorrow!

For more Kim the FanGirl follow the blog on Twitter @kimthefangirl and on Facebook

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