“I kissed you. You kissed me back. Doppelganger hi-jinks ensued . . .”

Last night, that fangtastic, prime-time soap opera we call The Vampire Diaries premiered in full force, leaving little time to process what the heck just really happened. Is Jeremy a vampire? No, he’s not. But he has that super magical ring that Isobel gave John, so when *a**n k***e* him . . . Oh, my. It’s just too much to handle. And that freaky doppelgänger thing. Is it Elena? Is it Katherine? What is she doing here? But enough! You want the super juicy recap and play-by-play. For those who have watched last nights episode, onwards and downwards! For those two people who haven’t SPOILER ALERT!

The show began as usual, with a rewind of the previous season. I’m sorry guy who does the intro recap, but if I hear “I have to know her,” one more time . . . sorry, we’re getting off topic (I do that a lot). Vampires, witches, Katherine, Damon, Stefan, Elena, etc . . . you get the idea.

Turn to John (Elena’s father/uncle? This could get confusing) having his fingers and super magical ring cut off by Katherine (This is where the previous season left off) as Elena is walking up the stairs. How she can not hear the screaming inside, is beyond me. Then Katherine stabs John with the knife (This is probably more blood we’ve ever seen on the show). A tad disgusting and awesome if I do say so myself. As Elena is trying to help John, and as Katherine stalker hovers, he whispers, “Behind you.” Did you flinch at that moment, too? I kind of thought that Katherine was going to confront Elena, and kind of disappointed she didn’t. Oh, well.

Now, we get to Jeremy. Am I the only one who wanted him to turn into a vampire? But, turns out that he’s okay after taking a massive dose of sleeping pills and so-dead vampire Anna’s blood. The logistics of it seem to fit. He didn’t take enough pills to kill him, so the blood dissolved what was left in his system. Okay. I’ll buy it. I didn’t like how Stefan got all handsy and rough with Jeremy in this scene. Weird and creepy? Yes. Uncalled for? Yes. Does Stefan care about Jeremy? Yes.

Now hold on tight team Damon fans (Team Alaric! Sorry), he pops in just in time to play the caring citizen and council member of Mystic Falls – checking up on Caroline who is in serious condition at this point. Cut to Bonnie and Elena. Elena asks Bonnie if there is some kind of witchy spell to help Caroline, Damon enters (Be careful, he likes to eavesdrop) who, in all his cheeky gloriousness, claims she can’t, but he can . . . with his blood. Bonnie agrees, which makes me think that a witch and vampire treaty is in the works.

Back to Elena and Damon. The oh-we-kissed conversation comes into play. Elena has no idea what he’s talking about, and the hurt on Damon’s face . . . I don’t know, but I might have a soft spot for hurt Damon (Hey Boone Ian!). After the hurt, and Aunt Jenna’s appearance, Damon connects the dots to what’s going on. “You gotta be kidding me.” Yes, Damon. It’s Katherine.

Very quick we need to talk about the Katherine and Stefan vampire fighting scene. Um . . . awesome. More please!

Of course, this wouldn’t be a love triangle without a third-party. In walks Stefan and his major jealous ways after Damon quickly and not tactfully blurts out that he kissed Katherine thinking it was Elena. Brooding ensues. More brooding. Jealous brooding (Yes!). Now, I know Elena loves Stefan and all, but do you think she could have been a little easier on Damon’s feelings? “I wouldn’t do that,” is a little cold. You’ve been through a lot together, and you are starting to care for one another, I think Elena, you could be the better person here. Let him down easy.

The three think that the best person to talk to about the whole Katherine wants to kill Elena thing, is John, who is currently in the hospital (BTW Caroline is okay! Shucks, thanks Damon).

Cut to Mayor Lockwood’s funeral (He may or may not be a vampire, but I’m thinking he and Tyler are something else entirely) and the appearance of the mysterious Uncle Mason who showed up out of nowhere (I think he knows  . . . but we’ll talk about that later).

Cut back to Elena and Stefan interrogating John. He has no clue to why Katherine is back, he claims Isobel never told him anything. Stefan plays the dad card to get more information. And it’s clear that Elena wants nothing to do with him and he wants nothing to do with her or Stefan: “I can’t stand the sight of you and my daughter.” Enter very, very angry Stefan. Paul Wesley kind of freaked me out; biting himself, feeding John, threatening him to get out-of-town . . . intense.

You would think things would start to slow down, but as is always in Mystic Falls (And Forks. And Bon Temps) nothing ever does. Katherine arrives at the funeral, intensely creepy and broody. Bonnie and Damon share a little conversation, and she dishes out the pain (Is she going evil?). She runs into Katherine and knows that something ain’t right. A small vampire/witch showdown ensues, but Stefan enters to save the day once again.

I love how he won’t put up with Katherine’s act. Teasing Stefan is so much more fun than mopey Stefan. And isn’t it weird that she crushes on Matt, Elena’s ex? Anyone for a love pentagon?

I don’t know about you but I am kind of digging Damon & Elena. You know, together. There seems to be such more chemistry here, especially when they get all open and caring.

Oh, now Katherine and Stefan time. “I’m not Damon. I haven’t spent 145 years obsessed with you.” “Based on your choice of women, I’d say otherwise.” Huh, that’s true.

“The truth is, you’re the same, lying, selfish, manipulative bitch that you’ve always been.” Oh, snap. Please, please, please, give us more of this Stefan! He’s so awesome.

This is where Katherine shoves some kind of metal rod into Stefan. I’m going to ignore this because 1. He’s going to be fine 2. I’m still loving confident Stefan.

Moving on! One of my favorite lines of the night comes from Damon, “Cover up Fabio. We got a crazy ex on the loose.” “You’d better watch out, looks like Katherine’s trying to steal your guy.” I’m really hoping for a little brother on brother fight this season. Is that wrong? No. No, it’s not.

Bye bye John! He leaves, hopefully for an extended period of time.

Another quick scene: Tyler getting all hulkified. Uncle Mason steps in, repeatedly telling him it’s not his fault (About his father’s death?) But, I think he’s talking about something else. A family secret? Why Mason left Mystic Falls? Hmmm? Is this the making of a young *e*e*o**? (I’ll tell you my prediction for Tyler later in the season).

Finally! We get to the Katherine and Damon scene. Yes, the scene. Why he loves that cold-hearted ass-butt (Holla SPN fans!), I will never know. “Kiss me or kill me, Damon. We both know you’re only capable of one.” What does he choose? What does he choose? He’s Damon! He kisses her (I may have shouted some harsh words at this point. Doesn’t he know that she’s playing him? Arg!). Close your eyes, young ones; there’s some clothes ripping and other things going on here. Then she basically stakes him in the heart, he wants to know why she left, and she responds (I’m typing angry here) . . . “The truth is, I’ve never loved you. It was always Stefan.” Pull that stake from my heart! That was extremely harsh.

Best scene of the night: (Please someone tell me what song was playing in the background, because it sounded like Sara Bareilles, but no song I’ve ever heard). Ah, mopey and mean Damon. I didn’t miss you, especially tonight. Kissing Elena. I’ll give you that, you two belong together, even if it is over a span of a few episodes. But, snapping Jeremy’s neck = the WTF? moment of the night. You lost my respect. Knowing that he had the special ring, doesn’t make up for that. Luckily, John gave him that ring. I think dark things are in his future with this newly discovered power.

Final scene: Katherine. Caroline. Pillow. Looking like she’s dead. Fade to black. Holy . . . !!!

Oh, this show toys with my heart!

**Update: Song playing is Come Home by OneRepublic & Sara Bareilles

Now dear boys and girls, what did you think of last nights episode? What do you think will happen next? Tell me in the comments!

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