* WARNING! Super FanGirl mode will commence in 3 . . . 2 . . . 1 . . .

I’m trying to be calm, but my inner fangirl is squeeing and jumping, and yelling, and waving her hands in the air. If it isn’t obvious already, on Friday night my favorite series and my favorite show collided. It might not be the way that I wanted – like Sam, Dean, RPattz, Edward Cullen, and me [The following has been edited. The statement is not appropriate for all readers. To see the unedited version please read some fan-fiction. We apologize for the inconvenience.] Wait. I want that to happen in real life. Damn. I keep getting those two confused. – but it still made me squee with delight several, several times.

Only, there is something bigger we have to address. Let’s say it in unison, because we’re all thinking it. “What the hell, Sam?” What the hell? There is no doubting it now, but there is something seriously wrong with our beloved Sammy. In the beginning of the season I had my doubts. We all knew Sam wasn’t the same. He was a little tougher and unwilling to answer questions. However, small moments (Like in Two and a Half Men) made me believe it still was Sam. Now, I’m not so sure. He’s been to hell and back. That is going to change the man.

Despite that, Sammy betrayed the only real family he had. The large smirk on his face as that vampire turned Dean was bone chilling. Is that even Sam? No matter how much crap these two brothers have been through, they always (ALWAYS) come through for one another. Even if he experienced the worst of hell, there is no doubt in my mind that he would never, ever hurt his brother like that intentionally. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Let’s go back to the beginning and see how all this drama started. First, to get the mood going, I think it’s only appropriate to play Supermassive Black Hole in the background. It just seems to fit, doesn’t it?

*Side note: Recap is abundant in Twilight jokes only known to insiders. So if you don’t get it, it’s okay. Ask me and I’ll do my best to answer all your questions. Or I might just tell you to read the book. Either way, you’ll understand it all, sooner or later.

In the small town of Limestone, Illinois, a young teen named Kristen (Ha!) shows her fake ID to the bartender and proceeds to wait for someone (I love the attention to detail here. The plaid shirt, long brown hair, and mopey face just add the to the experience). Out of nowhere (Of course) the one she has been waiting for arrives, and gives a rather exceptional smirk that definitely reminds me of someone. Kristen and her charming gentleman friend named . . . wait for it . . . Robert (Giggle) begin to talk. She reaches in her purse for a piece of paper, but “Oh. Papercut.” Robert begins to look at her strangely. It’s too much for him. He has to go. On a personal note: Dude! He got the voice down perfectly. Wait. He got the voice of Edward perfectly. Because RPattz and Edward are two different people. One is fictional and the other isn’t. See?

He leaves, but then returns. Robert needs to be with her, but he knows it’s wrong. They can’t be together. Kristen protests. She’s 17. She knows what she wants. As they lean in for a kiss, he backs away (Typical). He needs to show her something. He lifts up the side of his mouth and reveals a single fang. “I knew it.” Robert asks her if she’s scared (Of course not). “You should be.” He wants to show her his world . . . Okay. Wait a minute here. This would be the time where I would say something about climbing trees and spider monkeys, but something’s bothering me. What is it? This scene is so awesome, but something is taking me out of it. I know. It’s the hair! It’s all wrong. Vampires, especially ones impersonating Edward/RPattz, don’t use hair gel! I would be so into this, if only he had a bouffant. Oh, well. Let’s continue.

Through the moonlit alley they walk. He’s going to bring her home (I assume to meet his folks). The couple approach the door, only to find some weird dude with bad hair. “Nice work, Robbie (Giggle).” Robert bares row upon row of fangs. Kristen backs away into the clutches of the weird dude. He takes a bite. SCREAM!

Supernatural

Sam is looking into the mysterious disappearances of several local teenage girls, while Dean is busy arranging time to meet with Lisa (Aren’t we rid of her, yet?). Eventually, the boys get a lead on the most recent disappearance (Kristen) and start to search her house, more specifically her room. Aside from the satanic alters, black sheets, black satin, red walls, and skulls, it pretty much look’s like a Twilighter’s room. The posters, pillows, books, screen saver’s, and cardboard cut-outs are all accurate. It’s not like I would know or anything.

While Sam was busy searching the teenagers computer – “How many T’s are there in Pattinson?” It’s two, Sam. Two – Dean marvels at the girls accumulation of vampire odds and ends. Eventually, we find out that the missing girls were browsing the interwebs for some vampire love, but were actually being lured by real vamp’s. The boy’s head to the bar, where Kristen was last seen. Dean tries to bond with Sam, asking him when was the last time they had a beer together, but Sam is cold and wants to take care of the task at hand (I don’t like you New Sam). The suspects are abundant, so Dean follows Bieber and Sam follows Efron.

Quick as lightning, Sam beheads his vamp victim (Remember, Supernatural vamps aren’t as nice as other fictional vampires. They’ll tear you a new one). Outside, Dean follows his Bieber, which turns out to be a fake fanger. The fake fangs and body glitter (Available at Hot Topic) should have been a clue. Dean let’s the kid go – who ultimately admits that he only does it to get laid – but finds himself in a bit of a pickle. Or should I say, being tossed and thrown by a real vampire.

As Sam runs to the alley, he stops and gazes at the scene before him. Instead of taking the head of the vampire (Hey, it’s weird dude!), he stands by and watches as the vampire takes a bite of himself, and pours the blood into Dean’s mouth. Sam, you do know this is how you become a vampire? Remember season 1? You’re just going to stand there? Is that a large smirk on your face? As if you’re happy about this?! GASP!! (I would start playing Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man) by Styx here)

This is about the time in the episode where I jumped to my feet, screamed in horror, and may have shouted a few profanities (Why, I watch Supernatural alone). I don’t know what to say to this scene. There’s so much to say, but I can’t. I’m still trying to process this betrayal. Oh, Sam. How could you? I need your thoughts, dear readers!

Sam comes to the rescue way too late and weird dude (Also known as Boris ) escapes. At the hotel, the new vampire smell is wearing on Dean. Lights are too bright (It burns!), everything is so loud, and the lust for blood is bubbling to the surface. Of course, Sam called Grandpa Campbell to help. Knowing that Sam would never do the deed, Dean tells Sam that he’s going to ask Grandpa to kill him. Then Dean notices something. Sam’s heartbeat is steady and calm. Really, Sam? You’re brothers a vampire and you’re calm? That’s not right and Dean knows it.

Dean needs some time to think and the only place to go? The bathroom. After a while, Sam starts to get worried. You know, for New Sam. He opens the door to find the window open. Dean had gone to Lisa’s to say one last goodbye. Wait. This is like their 10th goodbye. It’s starting to get old. He tries to explain (Again) that his world is too dangerous and they can’t be together. He starts to get angry and his newly arrived fangs come out. I might have started cheering for Lisa and Ben to bite the dust (Ha!) in this scene. They didn’t. But, admit it. It would have made one hell of a twist.

Back at the hotel, Grandpa gave Sam a nice lashing for letting Dean get away. Suddenly, who shall appear in the dead of night? Brooding vampire Dean. I love brooding vampire Dean. That dark-eye, broody look made my tongue fall on floor Looney Toon’s style . . . where was I? Yes, Grandpa Campbell tells the boys – or rather Dean. Sam may or may not have known about it – that there is a cure . .  for being a vampire. Seriously. There is a cure (And people make fun of Twilight. Jeez). Yeah, I’m not a stickler for correct vampire lore (Obviously), but having a cure really makes me laugh. I’m sorry. It does. Of course, there are two prerequisites for the cure to work. 1. No human blood EVER! 2. You need the blood of the vampire who turned you. Seems doable, right?

In the dead of night, Dean set’s out on his own to the vampire nest. He quickly finds his way in and makes a friend. Hey, it’s Robert. Wait. Can I call you Rob? It just feels better. Oh, and I like your look. I was hoping for a gray peacoat, but I can deal. Okay, so Rob began to show Dean around the inner-workings of the nest. The major discovery? The vampires aren’t drinking their young victims, their turning them to create an army for the alpha vamp (?). It’s a recruitment thing.

As Dean was about to kill Boris (Weird Dude) with dead man’s blood, a drop fell. Boris quickly knew Dean’s plan and was about to make him pay. Just then Dean was saved. Or rather Boris’ plan was delayed by the Alpha in a very creepy, unexpected, and scary montage. I’m sure this was to strengthen the vampire mythology on the show, and to scare the bejesus out of us, but I think I’m going to need to watch it at least 10 times to understand its meaning. Right now, it’s just a bunch of disturbing images that I’m going to let you dissect and discuss. Get to it!

Before Dean could fully recognize what was going on, the vampires were unleashed. Enter kick-ass Dean who killed every single vampire in the joint, including Rob (Bye! I would have liked to have seen more of you) and Boris, whose head found a nice place under Dean’s boot. Grandpa and Sam arrived when all the hard work was done (Thanks guys). With that, they had all they needed to finish the cure for Dean’s vampire problem. A quick purple spew (Ewww! I think I need a moment) and look back at his short-lived vampire life, everything became clear. Dean saw Sam’s look of pleasure as he was forced to drink the vamp blood. It’s not premature to say, but I think that Dean has rethought the whole “trusting Sam” issue. Sam has made the ultimate betrayal and the brother’s relationship is not coming out of this without a few scrapes and bumps along the way.

Best lines of the night:

1. Kristen: “So your place? Is there going to be velvet?”

Robert: “Yeah, sure.”

No. There’s going to be a bear skin rug and hot pockets, stupid girl.

2. Dean: (Looking at Romero) “What’s he so bummed out about?”

You have no idea.

3. Dean: “Look, he’s watching her sleep. How is that not rapey?”

It’s romantic, Dean.

4. Dean: “Alright, Mmmbop your way outta here. Go! Go. And use a condom.”

I have no words. Let’s just marvel at the perfection of this line.

5. Boris or Weird Dude: (To Dean): “You’re pretty.”

Duh.

6. Dean: “I killed so many people on the way over here.”

Liar. But, I’m guessing you would make for a good vegetarian vampire. I hear they have a nice collection up in Forks. You’d be alone, though. Their all together, together. You know, since I’m such a nice person, I’ll volunteer to be your mate. Is that cool? Great.

7. Boris or Weird Dude: ” They’ve reinvented us as Prince Charming with a Volvo.”

Silver Volvo’s. We like silver Volvo’s. Just sayin’.

See you next week for an all new recap!

What did you think about Friday’s episode? Did you love all the Twilight references? Excited for next weeks episode? Will we find out the truth about Sam? Tell me in the comments!

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